Итак, под катом несколько отрывков из радиопостановки на BBC Radio 4. Чтобы не заскучать, с вкраплениями непереводимых местных идиоматических выражений, pieces of poetry and so forth.
Series 2, Episode 6: Limerick
DOUGLAS: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, we're now about half way through our flight from Hong Kong to Limerick. And I just thought I'd let you know that I am bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored! We're, unbelievably, still flying over Russia, which continues to be stupidly big, really enormous, far bigger than necessary. We've been in the air now for about a week. It doesn't look like we'll be landing until the last syllable of recorded time. So if anyone on board knows any card tricks, ghost stories or would like to have some sex, please do make your way to the flight deck. Thank you.
MARTIN: Err, ladies and gentlemen, I do…I do profoundly apologize for my first officer and his badly misjudged attempt at humour. I do hope you weren't distressed by his outburst. And, and let me just say, in his defence, that up here in the flight deck it is unbelievably bor-ring!
DOUGLAS: So boring!
MARTIN: So very, very, very, boring!
DOUGLAS & MARTIN: Bored!
MARTIN: Why does Tipperary always get the blame for it being a long way to? It's an even longer way to Limerick.
DOUGLAS: Only by about that 30 miles.
MARTIN: Don't suppose they sing about it much there then.
DOUGLAS: What? Where?
MARTIN: It's a long way to Tipperary. In Limerick, well they probably have their own version. It's a short way to Tipperary. I'm just popping up there now actually. Can I get you anything?
DOUGLAS: They're certainly both a hell of long way from Hong Kong.
MARTIN: That's true. And all just for this (patting at a box). And you'd think they could pop it in the post, wouldn't you?
DOUGLAS: Well, it's time sensitive of course. And the chap was telling me it's more valuable ounce for ounce than gold. Rhymes for flight (game).
MARTIN: Bite, Fight, Night, Right.
DOUGLAS: Ah, yes, here's one. (over intercom) Ladies and gentlemen, we're just flying over Gloucestershire now. You may be able to make out a town below, though it's quite hard to identify through the cloud cover. Or as they say, in Limerick. We hope you're enjoying the flight. On your left, we're just coming in sight of Swindon or Stroud, all covered in cloud. And it's much the same thing on the right.
ARTHUR: Hi, chaps. Nice one, Douglas. Just to settle an argument though.
CAROLYN: It's not an argument. It's you being wrong.
ARTHUR: Just settling me being wrong. Are we really over Swindon and Stroud?
DOUGLAS: No, Arthur, not for hours yet.
CAROLYN: Told you, clot.
DOUGLAS: Wishful thinking, I'm afraid. And I felt Swindon and Stroud might be easier to rhyme than Krasnoar meysk and Vyshny Volochyok.
ARTHUR: Oh, right. “Myshny Molomyok”, “Gyshny Gologyok”, “Chyshny Cholochyok”. Yes, see what you mean, “Vyshny VoloVyok” (rhyme game).
DOUGLAS: Yes, maybe we could leave you to go through the rest of the alphabet off the intercom?
CAROLYN: Evening, drivers. Oh.. isn't that a lovely sunset?
DOUGLAS & MARTIN (simultaneously): No, it's not!
CAROLYN: Oh, all right. Now, Douglas, give me a Bing-Bong.
DOUGLAS: Oh, but Carolyn, this is all so sudden.
CAROLYN: Oh, hoho, funny pilot, Bing-Bong, please. (over intercom) Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has now illuminated the seat belt sign, so please ensure your hand baggage and duty-free are safely stowed, your tray tables are folded away and your seat is returned to the upright position. Or as they say, in Limerick. The captain has turned on the signs, so stow away bags of all kinds. Then make sure your tray is folded away and your seat back no longer reclines.
DOUGLAS: Yes. Do I take it as you're bored back there as we're up here?
CAROLYN: Well, honestly, 14 hours with the broken DVD player, no passengers to tease, and the ever present fear that I'll weaken and let Arthur play charades.
DOUGLAS: You must be strong. That might well make the boredom level's actually fatal.
* * *
CAROLYN: Gentlemen, we bring food for the soul, not just the body. I now present, Mr. Arthur Shappey, with a story of a famous Scottish actor who went for a solitary hike in Russia, got caught in the rain and regretted not having packed with more care. Or as they say in Limerick.
ARTHUR: Sean Connery, in Vyshny Volochyok in the rain on a drizzly solo trek, said, “forgetting my sweater has made me much wetter. I certainly do miss my polo-neck.”
MARTIN: Well, Arthur, that was…just not rubbish, I mean…Wasn't it, Douglas?
DOUGLAS: Certainly it was, and more. All your own work?
ARTHUR: Well, Mum helped a bit with, the writing of it.
UPD: и маленький внеконкурсный кусочек - больно уж красив.
CAROLYN: Look. Both of you. I'm being serious. With my serious face. You cannot keep doing things like this. I will spell it out in words of one syllable. If - you - waste - my - money - we - will - go - bust - you - will - have - no - job.
DOUGLAS: (pause) Cash. Not mon-ey.